As was predicted here in Hell as the event progressed just a couple of months ago, the truly batshit insane among fundamentalist Christians have deconstructed Madonna’s halftime show and decided it’s chock full of Satanic content. This rumor is spreading as as fast as their little hands can type it and includes comparison imagery to “prove” the story.
We don’t work quite so blatantly around here. Our schtick leans more toward the smaller, easier-to-get temptations, like hours on Facebook instead of paying attention to your kids, miscounting change to a customer and pocketing it, or having an affair while your wife battles cancer. The ostentation known as the Super Bowl halftime show just isn’t us.
In the time it would take us to plan, implement, and ensure all those millions of eyes were on the pop stars during everyone’s favorite annual sporting spectacle of excess, we’d have a billion souls in our pocket, so why bother? It’s so much easier to get one of you to tell a homeless guy “Get a job!” than it is to put together a production of that magnitude. Remember, sloth is one of the deadlies, and we are experts at it.
Besides, most of that imagery isn’t Satanic at all. It’s Egyptian, Masonic, Pagan, Roman … even Kabbalah, even if it was involved, is Jewish, not Satanic. Though there was a time when Jew and ultimate evil were interchangeable terms in a lot of people’s minds.
1940 German propaganda film poster
Those were the days … six million people murdered. Again, not our idea, but implemented so well, it made the Father of Lies proud. He still speaks of it with a wistful look in his eye.
So, to reiterate, we had absolutely nothing to do with this year’s theme for halftime at the Super Bowl. We’ve got much more interesting and efficient ways to accelerate our population growth.
What we will neither confirm nor deny is whether the show was created specifically for our benefit.
L-U-V, Madonna indeed.