What If Jesus Meant All That Stuff?

Not that any of you will read it, much less pay attention to the lesson it attempts to impart, but click here to read a lovely guest article in Esquire from 2009.

Everyone, believer and heathen alike, should, because it speaks directly to so-called Christians about living like your Savior intended or some such. The way most of you have been acting toward women and the poor lately is enough to convince us it will never happen, but one of our favorite things is to forewarn you. That way when we meet, or Heaven forbid the end times arrive too soon, we can say some of our favorite words as we toss you into a pit of endless suffering and torment:

“We told you so.”

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

As the Bible story goes, the Good Samaritan was the only one who would help the traveler who had been beaten, robbed, and left for dead on the side of the road.

As parables in the Big Book go, it’s pretty boring, really; just another “love thy neighbor” morality tale in an entire tome filled to overflowing with that particular lesson. Yet no matter how many times the Nazarene preacher taught it, some of you still just. Don’t. Get. It.

Some examples from the recent news:

A woman returned a lost iPhone and was attacked by the phone owners.

A man was stabbed with a syringe as he tried to help an injured person.

An 86 year old woman who thought she was helping a car crash victim now has to live with the fumes caused by the “victim’s” mobile meth lab.

Oh, here’s a good one: an elderly Good Samaritan was beaten and then run over with her own car. We say around here that the road to Hell is paved with Good Samaritans; guess sometimes our minions take that a bit too literally.

So, if you’re compelled to help, we say go for it. You’ve learned to love your neighbor, unlike so many. Paradise awaits you and your loving, caring, giving heart.

Just beware: you may get to heaven a lot faster than you planned.