Morals vs. Standards

Our friends (and future residents) over at Salon recently shared an interesting piece on the influence of Our Dark Lord on the sexual revolution of the 1960s. We are especially impressed the author shares a particular truth about the Satanic Church of the era. To whit:

“The church made no judgment about the morality of any sexual pursuit, advocating ‘the practice of any type of sexual activity which satisfy man’s individual needs, be it promiscuous heterosexuality, strict faithfulness to a wife or lover, homo-sexuality, or even fetishism,’ in short, ‘telling each man or woman to do what comes naturally and not to worry about it.’ Those looking to affirm their sexual appetites, whatever they might be, were welcome at the church; those actually looking to have sex were not. ‘There are some beautiful women that belong to the Church,’ claimed [church leader Anton] LaVey, ‘but they don’t have to come here to get laid. They could go down to any San Francisco bar and get picked up.'”

LaVey understood better than most that morals are one thing, standards are another. God expects sexual morals. He alone requires abstinence until marriage and then insists even then that sex be only for procreation. He asks celibacy of priests and nuns, knowing full well repression of natural desires breeds obsession with same and results in all manner of sadistic, fetishistic release. He alone calls adultery and homosexuality a sin. Here, we call it “Tuesday.”

We don’t insist on those morals, of course. Do what thou wilt and all that. Admittedly our standards are pretty low, what with all the tormenting and mayhem – when Our Dark Lord says a molesting priest is to be butt-fucked without lube for all eternity, it’s not like we have a choice to say “But I’m just not into him” – but you up there can maintain some dignity. Like choosing partners who practice safe sex, won’t gossip about a hookup to your social circles, share your particular proclivities, and don’t rape women who are too drunk to know what’s happening. (We see you, frat boy. There’s a nice Sigma Chi house here, filled with the perpetual screams of your rapist brothers. You’re gonna love it.)

What the church doesn’t want you to know is merely having sex outside of the rules doesn’t relegate you to Hell. Think about it: what kind of punishment would suit someone who worked hard, raised a family, went to church, paid his taxes, never hurt a soul, but liked to fuck? Orgasms that lead to eternal damnation? Who would punish someone like that, other than a giant douche?

So go forth and fulfill your appetites, children. Affirm your natural, God-given sexuality, with one partner, three, or a room full. Be any orientation that feels good and play with any gender you find hot. Delight in your delectable desires. Free yourselves from the God who gave you the ultimate pleasure of the flesh and then told you to only use it under certain parameters.

Because seriously, that guy is an asshole.