Super Satanic Spectacle

As was predicted here in Hell as the event progressed just a couple of months ago, the truly batshit insane among fundamentalist Christians have deconstructed Madonna’s halftime show and decided it’s chock full of Satanic content. This rumor is spreading as as fast as their little hands can type it and includes comparison imagery to “prove” the story.

We don’t work quite so blatantly around here. Our schtick leans more toward the smaller, easier-to-get temptations, like hours on Facebook instead of paying attention to your kids, miscounting change to a customer and pocketing it, or having an affair while your wife battles cancer. The ostentation known as the Super Bowl halftime show just isn’t us.

In the time it would take us to plan, implement, and ensure all those millions of eyes were on the pop stars during everyone’s favorite annual sporting spectacle of excess, we’d have a billion souls in our pocket, so why bother? It’s so much easier to get one of you to tell a homeless guy “Get a job!” than it is to put together a production of that magnitude. Remember, sloth is one of the deadlies, and we are experts at it.

Besides, most of that imagery isn’t Satanic at all. It’s Egyptian, Masonic, Pagan, Roman … even Kabbalah, even if it was involved, is Jewish, not Satanic. Though there was a time when Jew and ultimate evil were interchangeable terms in a lot of people’s minds.


1940 German propaganda film poster

Those were the days … six million people murdered. Again, not our idea, but implemented so well, it made the Father of Lies proud. He still speaks of it with a wistful look in his eye.

So, to reiterate, we had absolutely nothing to do with this year’s theme for halftime at the Super Bowl. We’ve got much more interesting and efficient ways to accelerate our population growth.

What we will neither confirm nor deny is whether the show was created specifically for our benefit.

L-U-V, Madonna indeed.

It Tolls for Thee

Modern literature is devoted, in great measure, to a courageous, open-eyed observation of the sickeningly broken figurations that abound before us, around us, and within…. And there is no make-believe about heaven, future bliss, and compensation, to alleviate the bitter majesty, but only utter darkness, the void of unfulfillment, to receive and eat back the lies that have been tossed forth from the womb only to fail….. Too well we know what bitterness of failure, loss, disillusionment, and ironic unfulfillment galls the blood of even the envied of the world! ~ Joseph Campbell, The Hero with a Thousand Faces

Enough said, or shall we expound upon yet another poor little rich girl who couldn’t rid herself of her personal demons?

We thought not.

When You’re Evil

The Dark Lord has a lot of minions to do his dirty work. Voltaire isn’t one of them, but he certainly seems to know a lot about it.

I pledge my allegiance, to all things dark
And I promise on my damned soul
To do as I am told, Beelzebub
Has never seen a soldier quite like me
Not only does his job, but does it happily.

It’s kind a theme song down here, especially for those with topside permits. Doing evil is rather easy, or at least you lot make it that way.

Your tears are all the pay we’ll ever need.