Interview – Andrea Dworkin

Perdition Report conducted an audio interview with Ms. Dworkin in June of 2007. Unfortunately, the recording itself has been lost – accidentally dropped into the flames, no doubt – but the transcript was recently found. It follows for your enjoyment.

PR: Hey there listeners! This is Radio Free Hell, and speaking with us tonight will be radical feminist and author Ms. Andrea Dworkin. We’ll be talking about the modern feminist movement, what you can do to help, what Hillary’s chances are for the White House, and what that means for women. And here she is now! Ms. Dworkin, I was wondering if you could perhaps tell us a little bit about your involvement in the feminist movement?

Andrea Dworkin: AAAAAAAHHHH! AH AH AH!!! AHHH no no oh god please no I promise……

PR: Oh, Ms. Dworkin, all that’s been… suspended… for a bit. A little reprieve so we could get this interview. I mean [slight chuckle] I’m not pulling your bowels out with my bare hands here. Our listeners would like a few words.

AD: Did my husband send you? I know he did! He’s always watching… waiting for me to say something… I didn’t know divorce was a sin! Oh god please, just… I’ll do anything you want! PLEASE! Do you want me to cook? I’ll cook for you! Barefoot! I’ll suck your dick while I do it!

PR: No, no, that will be fine, Ms. Dworkin. I assure you I’m very, very, very, very NOT interested. Just wanted to get your thoughts on Hillary’s chances for the presidency. Honest.

AD: Hillary? A… woman for the presidency, like in the White House?

PR: But, of course.

AD: Oh god, this is a trap! I KNOW it! Every time I say something I… I used to think a certain way, you know? And every time I did my… husband and his… his friends… they would do things and I… I don’t know what to think right now, they might be listening… but, I mean… it might be good?

PR: No need to cringe, dear. You can trust us here at Radio Free Hell.

AD: Then yes… I mean, YES! Oh sweet Christ it will it be good! Finally an end to patriarchal greed and the… the… the RAPING of our environment for profit!

PR: But don’t you think her past flip flopping on health care reform exhibits a certain lack of… [crashing sound] oh dear…

AD: NO! NOOOOOO!! OH CHRIST IT WAS A [gurgling noise] AH AH AHHHHH NOT THERE NO PLEASE NOT WITH THAT [choking sound] UHK UHKKKKKKKK…..

PR: And it looks like that’s all for today. It’ll be at least a week before Ms. Dworkin will be able to pry all those dicks out of her mouth…. [chuckle] maybe even a month before she can form a coherent thought that doesn’t involve tentacle rape. Ah, we do so love a happy ending here at Radio Free Hell! Thanks for listening and tune in next week when our guest will be new arrival to the Underworld, Mr. Jerry Falwell.

Please note the Falwell interview was put on hold after this broadcast. His contract, signed and sealed in a blood orgy ritual in 1976 with the Big Guy himself, stipulates “no release from torment for the first 1,000 years.

~ Jack Yattering