Hell Isn’t for Children

But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God. ~ Luke 18:16

We don’t get the whole touching little kids thing. There’s a special place here for pedophiles, but still, we just don’t get it. Who but the most evil among you would molest – and possibly permanently damage the body and/or psyche of – a child?

Children are strictly OFF LIMITS down here. That’s right, no matter what Pat Benetar sang in the 80s, Hell isn’t FOR children; Hell HAS NO children. This is because kids are innocents and therefore the property of G-d. The Dark Lord himself is even ashamed of the folks at Penn State.

We look forward to having Sandusky, Paterno, and everyone else involved in this despicable scandal in our clutches, some sooner rather than later. We’ve upgraded the Tentacle 5000 recently and can’t wait to see what it’s capable of now.

The Tentacle 5000, for those who haven’t seen it in all its majestic glory, is a machine first thought up in the dreams of a small, shy Japanese gent who then wrote it into the demon-raping scenes of the infamous anime movie, Urotosukidoji. Or was it his nightmares? It’s so hard to tell with the Japanese…..

Anyway, we think you get the point. Child fuckers get fucked, but not in a good way, for all eternity. Which, we think you’ll agree, is exactly how it should be.

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