Interview – Andrea Dworkin

Perdition Report conducted an audio interview with Ms. Dworkin in June of 2007. Unfortunately, the recording itself has been lost – accidentally dropped into the flames, no doubt – but the transcript was recently found. It follows for your enjoyment.

PR: Hey there listeners! This is Radio Free Hell, and speaking with us tonight will be radical feminist and author Ms. Andrea Dworkin. We’ll be talking about the modern feminist movement, what you can do to help, what Hillary’s chances are for the White House, and what that means for women. And here she is now! Ms. Dworkin, I was wondering if you could perhaps tell us a little bit about your involvement in the feminist movement?

Andrea Dworkin: AAAAAAAHHHH! AH AH AH!!! AHHH no no oh god please no I promise……

PR: Oh, Ms. Dworkin, all that’s been… suspended… for a bit. A little reprieve so we could get this interview. I mean [slight chuckle] I’m not pulling your bowels out with my bare hands here. Our listeners would like a few words.

AD: Did my husband send you? I know he did! He’s always watching… waiting for me to say something… I didn’t know divorce was a sin! Oh god please, just… I’ll do anything you want! PLEASE! Do you want me to cook? I’ll cook for you! Barefoot! I’ll suck your dick while I do it!

PR: No, no, that will be fine, Ms. Dworkin. I assure you I’m very, very, very, very NOT interested. Just wanted to get your thoughts on Hillary’s chances for the presidency. Honest.

AD: Hillary? A… woman for the presidency, like in the White House?

PR: But, of course.

AD: Oh god, this is a trap! I KNOW it! Every time I say something I… I used to think a certain way, you know? And every time I did my… husband and his… his friends… they would do things and I… I don’t know what to think right now, they might be listening… but, I mean… it might be good?

PR: No need to cringe, dear. You can trust us here at Radio Free Hell.

AD: Then yes… I mean, YES! Oh sweet Christ it will it be good! Finally an end to patriarchal greed and the… the… the RAPING of our environment for profit!

PR: But don’t you think her past flip flopping on health care reform exhibits a certain lack of… [crashing sound] oh dear…

AD: NO! NOOOOOO!! OH CHRIST IT WAS A [gurgling noise] AH AH AHHHHH NOT THERE NO PLEASE NOT WITH THAT [choking sound] UHK UHKKKKKKKK…..

PR: And it looks like that’s all for today. It’ll be at least a week before Ms. Dworkin will be able to pry all those dicks out of her mouth…. [chuckle] maybe even a month before she can form a coherent thought that doesn’t involve tentacle rape. Ah, we do so love a happy ending here at Radio Free Hell! Thanks for listening and tune in next week when our guest will be new arrival to the Underworld, Mr. Jerry Falwell.

Please note the Falwell interview was put on hold after this broadcast. His contract, signed and sealed in a blood orgy ritual in 1976 with the Big Guy himself, stipulates “no release from torment for the first 1,000 years.

~ Jack Yattering

How Did He Know?

Bill Maher tweeted over the weekend:

Wow, Jesus just fucked #TimTebow bad! And on Xmas Eve! Somewhere……Satan is tebowing, saying to Hitler “Hey, Buffalo’s killing them.”

Of course, conservatives are calling for a boycott of his show and HBO, as if any true conservative watches either. The former is chock full of liberal vitriol aimed square at the terminally religious; the latter is overflowing with sex, drugs, violence, and other less-than-godly stories. In other words, both are right up our alley.

What we ask is this: How did Bill Maher know exactly what was happening down here? It’s like the guy was on a direct line or something. Uncanny.

The Dark Lord’s Doings

Dearest Heathens, Sinners, Acolytes, Worshipers, and Haters:

It’s December and I don’t have to tell you how successful we’ve been with the launch of our little endeavor here, since it is required reading. Nor do I need to mention what a banner year we’ve had, but I will: we have more residents than ever before, thanks to that “new atheism” trend. I look forward to seeing the look on Richard Dawkins’ face when he arrives. (Soon, you arrogant, beautiful bastard – soon.)

Speaking of which, Hitchens isn’t here. My best guess is the man upstairs cut him a break for actually being a good person and one hell of a debater. I am, of course, appealing the decision, but I don’t expect much; I didn’t get Buckley, either.

As for the minor skirmish near the Lake of Fire over Thanksgiving, those involved are now hanging in the Hall of Heads. Of course, their screams are music to my ears and the work the minions did with their entrails is quite exquisite, so if you get a chance, stop by and have a look. That may be difficult, given your own suffering never ends, but they’re going to be hanging there for awhile, I assure you.

Anton Lavey and friends are planning this year’s New Year’s Eve bash. The torments we have lined up will be the best we’ve ever done and that is saying something given we’ve been at this since the beginning of time. As you know, attendance is mandatory and party hats, as well as other torture devices, will be provided on arrival.

I really can’t thank you all enough for your support. We couldn’t do any of this without your inability to accept that child-man into your heart. I hear you calling out to Him as I do my rounds, but trust me, He is not here and will not save you. You had your chance. Now you are MINE.

Speaking of mine, please join me in welcoming our newest arrival of note, Kim Jong Il. That little maniac starved his own people to death. Hundreds of thousands of them! Would that we could get more like him up there; he brought up our numbers by promoting the “there is no god that would allow this suffering” concept. People can’t believe in a savior if there is no savior, know what I mean? Good on you, KJII. Not that it will save you from what awaits, but I have to give credit where it’s due.

Here’s to 2012: may you have an absolutely heinous, debilitatingly painful New Year. Just like all the rest, forever and always.

~ The Dark Lord

Hail and Welcome!

The Perdition Report is brought to you by sins and the sinners who sin them, but especially those burning in the pit of damnation. Honestly, we couldn’t do what we do without hearing all those screams of eternal torment.

You have your muses. We have ours.

You may call me Devil’s Advocate. Names aren’t important down here and whether I’m male or female, I’ve long forgotten, as my genitals were the first victim of the endless tortures. Call me mentor, moderator, or liaison, my job is to share missives from all kinds of people who have found themselves down here. Whether they expected it or arrived at damnation much to their surprise and chagrin, all will have a chance to communicate with you here. That is if they can stop screaming long enough.

Please note, this site is not dedicated to any cause. Unlike Santa Claus, we could care less whether you’re naughty or nice; we are only interested in entertainment. If you can’t take a joke, well, go to hell.

We’re waiting for you.